Mirasol Grace

Sunday, May 16, 2021

That’s Why

Okay.

I’ve been fine by myself all this time, and yes, I’ve felt alone at times, but my heart and mind was at peace. The only thing that has been occupying them was work, and regardless of endless rants and complain, I have been fine...

Not until I’ve met someone I’m interested in.

Now... he occupies my mind from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, and I hate that.

I was totally fine with work being the one that keeps me late at night, but now that it is him... and again, I don’t like it.

With work, I know I’ll see an output or a good result if I invest my time thinking about it, but with him... I am not even sure how it will turn out - and that is why I hate it.

I can’t even have an assurance that I’ll be fine even if I work hard.

I won’t even have the courage to say it because... well, just because.

And ever since I’ve met him, I felt like my life has become more chaotic.

I hate it when I wait for his message.

I hate it when I have to rethink about what happened with our call.

I hate it when I had to think of ways to engage him... and make him stay with my life a little longer.

I hate what I’m feeling right now.

This overwhelms me, and I’m so scared.

I’m scared that I’ll like him so much, and by the time it swallows me whole,

He’ll slowly drift away — which can and will be happening, I think.

Can I just turn back time, and not meet him?

Can I just go back minding my own business...

Living my life, without him?

Liking someone is too much for me.

And maybe that’s why it is never for me.

Friday, June 19, 2020

narratage

loving someone

doesn’t mean ending up with them.

life moves on.

you will always carry him in your heart,

like a little town you always come back to.

but don’t hate yourself for that.

don’t look back with regrets.

get rid of your what-ifs;

let all of him be bliss to you.

all the laughters,

all the tears,

those are like hidden treasures

you’d try to dig deeper.

you would often ask why—

is there a reason behind an encounter?

i tried so hard to think

why our path happened to meet.

were we just lost?

was it just a sudden bus stop?

maybe, it was.

maybe, it wasn’t.

and either of them is fine.

pgperez 20062020

Friday, August 30, 2019

Love Alarm

Miracle.
What are the odds?
When he looks at you the same way that you do.
Shooting star.
It doesn’t come the way we expect it to.
I always say that they are lucky.
Perhaps blessed.
To find someone whose alarm you’d like to ring,
While he rings yours over and over again.

But, it feels out of reach—
Impossible to be.
And not worthy to see.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Dear Virtual Diary | #MyGreatestVictory

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

One of my greatest victories was when I started to love myself. I know, it sounds so easy to do, but at least for me, it wasn't. It was the hardest. For me, giving love to others – may it be my family, my friends, a stranger or my enemy – is somewhat easy, but giving myself the love that I never thought I deserve wasn't a piece of cake, especially when I started to have an acne breakout and when I stepped in the university life...

I always look down on myself; 'til one day, I just saw myself as my greatest basher — the one who never believes in me, the one who doubts in me, and the one who hates me.

"You are not good enough!"
"You are ugly!"
"You don't fit in!"
"Whatever you do, people will never like you."
"You will always be an option!"
"You will never succeed!"
"You are fake!"

I get scared and hurt a lot of times when people look down on me, but I never realized that I was the one who utters such hurtful words to myself.

BUT THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST!

I was freed from this bondage of self-hatred. Finally, I started to see myself worthy... THROUGH THE EYES OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER! The journey to self-love wasn't easy, and I know I am still on my way, but with sincere prayer, child-like faith, a positive community and Jesus Christ! I already claim that I overcame it! I am victorious!

Share your greatest victory with the hashtag ‪#‎MyGreatestVictory‬

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

My Open Letter: To My Dearest Donita | 081116

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_X0d1DnnKdk

Same day last year, one of my bestest friend flew to California. It was really heartbreaking to know that the days that would follow aren't going to be the same again. Many things had already happened within a year for her in that place, and for me in here. So, because I miss her very much, and I know she does feel the same way too, I made something for her.

To My Dearest Donita Part One & Part Two ✨

I hope this will help her every time she misses home. Regina and I love you so much, my baby girl

In addition, here are some cool photos by the amazing Isa Bernardo:

I love this photo. It just show that I will always be here for her. :)

Pak! Ganern!

Sorry, but I had to post this. (Ganda ko kaya here LOL)

Twinning With My Bestest Friend

It is usually the other way around HAHHAHAHHA

I hope you'll watch the videos in HD! :)

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Dear Virtual Diary | Hating Myself Pt.1

"Overcoming Acne & Skinny Body Through Jesus Christ"

Pretty much the bios on all of my SNS accounts. However, I realized that the only thing that I should get rid of is the acne, and not my body. I've been wanting to have a body shape that is curvy and that is not petite (or skinny). I always thought that there are something wrong with my body and with me... that I needed to eat more hamburgers, have more frappes or have anything that is full of carbohydrates.

Everyday, people will come to me like,

"Hey, are you okay?"
"You are so thin!"
"You should eat more!"
"Are you on diet? Don't go on diet."
"Don't starve yourself!"
"You don't look good if you're skinny."
"Are you trying to be like the model in the magazines?"
"Take care of yourself!"

So, I hated myself.

I will constantly ask my college best friend, Kathleen Kleine, if I already looked bad or worse, looked malnourish, and she will always say that I looked great and that there is nothing wrong with me.

Getting Torn

As all of my family and close friends know, I have the greatest appetite ever. I used to eat almost everything on my plate, but when I started to have the acne breakout, I began to limit myself a bit from foods, especially with dairy foods, oily foods, chicken and seafood. I really do not know what to do. As much as I wanted to focus on gaining weight, I was concern also about my skin condition. I was really torn apart.

Thanks to my college best friend, I started to come up with an alternative. She persuaded me to go healthy by eating fruits and veggies every time, and by working out. That's why I started going to the gym, and also, I started to eat almost 10 standard cups of rice a day. I really thought I was gaining weight each day, but it turned out the opposite. I still had no curvy body, and I was getting skinnier. In short, my body still looks like a body of a 13-year-old girl... only by that time, it was a toner body of a 16-year-old girl.

Again, people will come up to me like,

"Hey, you're getting skinnier and skinnier."
"You should stop going to the gym!"
"You should take care of yourself!"

So, I hated myself even more.

Bottled In

All this time, I was not happy. I did not want to have a skinny body, but a body like Marilyn Monroe's, Iskra's, Ms. Universe 2015 Pia Wurtzbach's, and FHM's most sexiest Filipina 2016 Jessy Mendiola's. I wanted to have a curvier body, or even just a chubby body because for me, it was the most beautiful type of body for a woman.

But at the same time, I felt that I have no rights to get upset of having a skinny body, because some people wants to have this type of body as well.

These people will be like,

"Your body is like those models."
"Your body fits any kind of trendy clothes."
"You should love your body."

I know that all of these people wanted the best for me, and they were all just trying to help me through the words they thought would help, but I couldn't stop it from decreasing my self-esteem, and it was difficult for me so I just bottled everything in.

Realization

But thank Jesus Christ, He made me realized something, and at first, it wasn't easy to believe and especially, to apply; but when I did, it gave me unexplainable peace and healing. These beautiful facts that I realized was that I am

FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY CREATED BY THE LORD AND ONLY FOR THE LORD;

and that even if I have a skinny body, and regardless of what everyone thinks of me, I am beautiful in my own way because God makes no mistakes. All He wants me to do is to love myself, and to continue my journey to be the best version of myself because I know that will bring glory to Him.

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

Monday, July 25, 2016

Late Night Thoughts | This Was What My Mind Has Always Said

Re-Blogged From My Old Tumblr Account

This one was written when I was in my Freshmen year.
It is sad that I have been tormented by the pain that I caused to someone else.
Believe me, it hurt me as much as it hurt you.

So, here it goes...

11:11PM | Sa mga ganitong oras…

Marami nang napasok sa isipan ko,
Pero may isang bagay na talagang ayaw akong palayain.
Gabi-gabi, hindi ako nilulubayan ng taong nasa loob ng isip ko.
Laging pinamumuka sakin lahat ng masamang bagay na nagawa ko;
Lalo na sa isang partikular na tao.

Sabi ng utak ko:

“Baka kaya walang magmahal sayo ng tapat –
Baka dahil sinaktan mo na kasi ng sobra
ang nag iisang taong pwedeng magmahal sayo ng totoo.”

Sabi ng utak ko,
Wag na daw akong umasa;
Wala na raw talagang magmamahal,
at tatanggap sa kung sino o ano talaga ako.
Kahit ano pa daw ang gawin ko:
magpaganda, magpatalino, magpakabait,
magpakaplastik o magpakayaman…
Wala na raw.
Tapos na ang laban.
Pinatalo ko na raw.

Wag na akong umasa.
Hindi na ako karapat dapat mahalin,
at wala ng magtiya-tiyaga sakin.