Okay.
I’ve been fine by myself all this time, and yes, I’ve felt alone at times, but my heart and mind was at peace. The only thing that has been occupying them was work, and regardless of endless rants and complain, I have been fine...
Not until I’ve met someone I’m interested in.
Now... he occupies my mind from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, and I hate that.
I was totally fine with work being the one that keeps me late at night, but now that it is him... and again, I don’t like it.
With work, I know I’ll see an output or a good result if I invest my time thinking about it, but with him... I am not even sure how it will turn out - and that is why I hate it.
I can’t even have an assurance that I’ll be fine even if I work hard.
I won’t even have the courage to say it because... well, just because.
And ever since I’ve met him, I felt like my life has become more chaotic.
I hate it when I wait for his message.
I hate it when I have to rethink about what happened with our call.
I hate it when I had to think of ways to engage him... and make him stay with my life a little longer.
I hate what I’m feeling right now.
This overwhelms me, and I’m so scared.
I’m scared that I’ll like him so much, and by the time it swallows me whole,
He’ll slowly drift away — which can and will be happening, I think.
Can I just turn back time, and not meet him?
Can I just go back minding my own business...
Living my life, without him?
Liking someone is too much for me.
And maybe that’s why it is never for me.
