Dear Virtual Diary | #MyGreatestVictory

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

One of my greatest victories was when I started to love myself. I know, it sounds so easy to do, but at least for me, it wasn't. It was the hardest. For me, giving love to others – may it be my family, my friends, a stranger or my enemy – is somewhat easy, but giving myself the love that I never thought I deserve wasn't a piece of cake, especially when I started to have an acne breakout and when I stepped in the university life...

I always look down on myself; 'til one day, I just saw myself as my greatest basher — the one who never believes in me, the one who doubts in me, and the one who hates me.

"You are not good enough!"
"You are ugly!"
"You don't fit in!"
"Whatever you do, people will never like you."
"You will always be an option!"
"You will never succeed!"
"You are fake!"

I get scared and hurt a lot of times when people look down on me, but I never realized that I was the one who utters such hurtful words to myself.

BUT THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST!

I was freed from this bondage of self-hatred. Finally, I started to see myself worthy... THROUGH THE EYES OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER! The journey to self-love wasn't easy, and I know I am still on my way, but with sincere prayer, child-like faith, a positive community and Jesus Christ! I already claim that I overcame it! I am victorious!

Share your greatest victory with the hashtag ‪#‎MyGreatestVictory‬

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

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My Open Letter: To My Dearest Donita | 081116

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_X0d1DnnKdk

Same day last year, one of my bestest friend flew to California. It was really heartbreaking to know that the days that would follow aren't going to be the same again. Many things had already happened within a year for her in that place, and for me in here. So, because I miss her very much, and I know she does feel the same way too, I made something for her.

To My Dearest Donita Part One & Part Two ✨

I hope this will help her every time she misses home. Regina and I love you so much, my baby girl

In addition, here are some cool photos by the amazing Isa Bernardo:

I love this photo. It just show that I will always be here for her. :)

Pak! Ganern!

Sorry, but I had to post this. (Ganda ko kaya here LOL)

Twinning With My Bestest Friend

It is usually the other way around HAHHAHAHHA

I hope you'll watch the videos in HD! :)

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

Watch me on YouTube | Tweet me on Twitter | Ask me on Ask.FM | Message me on Facebook
Follow me on Instagram | Visit my Literature Blog | Visit House of Paradise | Add me on Snapchat: holla.polla

Dear Virtual Diary | Hating Myself Pt.1

"Overcoming Acne & Skinny Body Through Jesus Christ"

Pretty much the bios on all of my SNS accounts. However, I realized that the only thing that I should get rid of is the acne, and not my body. I've been wanting to have a body shape that is curvy and that is not petite (or skinny). I always thought that there are something wrong with my body and with me... that I needed to eat more hamburgers, have more frappes or have anything that is full of carbohydrates. 

Everyday, people will come to me like, 

"Hey, are you okay?"
"You are so thin!"
"You should eat more!"
"Are you on diet? Don't go on diet."
"Don't starve yourself!"
"You don't look good if you're skinny."
"Are you trying to be like the model in the magazines?"
"Take care of yourself!"

So, I hated myself.

I will constantly ask my college best friend, Kathleen Kleine, if I already looked bad or worse, looked malnourish, and she will always say that I looked great and that there is nothing wrong with me.

Getting Torn

As all of my family and close friends know, I have the greatest appetite ever. I used to eat almost everything on my plate, but when I started to have the acne breakout, I began to limit myself a bit from foods, especially with dairy foods, oily foods, chicken and seafood. I really do not know what to do. As much as I wanted to focus on gaining weight, I was concern also about my skin condition. I was really torn apart.

Thanks to my college best friend, I started to come up with an alternative. She persuaded me to go healthy by eating fruits and veggies every time, and by working out. That's why I started going to the gym, and also, I started to eat almost 10 standard cups of rice a day. I really thought I was gaining weight each day, but it turned out the opposite. I still had no curvy body, and I was getting skinnier. In short, my body still looks like a body of a 13-year-old girl... only by that time, it was a toner body of a 16-year-old girl.  

Again, people will come up to me like,

"Hey, you're getting skinnier and skinnier."
"You should stop going to the gym!"
"You should take care of yourself!"

So, I hated myself even more.

Bottled In

All this time, I was not happy. I did not want to have a skinny body, but a body like Marilyn Monroe's, Iskra's, Ms. Universe 2015 Pia Wurtzbach's, and FHM's most sexiest Filipina 2016 Jessy Mendiola's. I wanted to have a curvier body, or even just a chubby body because for me, it was the most beautiful type of body for a woman.

But at the same time, I felt that I have no rights to get upset of having a skinny body, because some people wants to have this type of body as well.

These people will be like,

"Your body is like those models."
"Your body fits any kind of trendy clothes."
"You should love your body."

I know that all of these people wanted the best for me, and they were all just trying to help me through the words they thought would help, but I couldn't stop it from decreasing my self-esteem, and it was difficult for me so I just bottled everything in.

Realization

But thank Jesus Christ, He made me realized something, and at first, it wasn't easy to believe and especially, to apply; but when I did, it gave me unexplainable peace and healing. These beautiful facts that I realized was that I am

FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY CREATED BY THE LORD AND ONLY FOR THE LORD;

and that even if I have a skinny body, and regardless of what everyone thinks of me, I am beautiful in my own way because God makes no mistakes. All He wants me to do is to love myself, and to continue my journey to be the best version of myself because I know that will bring glory to Him.

With grace and love,

Mirasol Grace

Watch me on YouTube | Tweet me on Twitter | Ask me on Ask.FM | Message me on Facebook
Follow me on Instagram | Visit my Literature Blog | Visit House of Paradise | Add me on Snapchat: holla.polla

Late Night Thoughts | This Was What My Mind Has Always Said

Re-Blogged From My Old Tumblr Account

This one was written when I was in my Freshmen year.
It is sad that I have been tormented by the pain that I caused to someone else.
Believe me, it hurt me as much as it hurt you.

So, here it goes...

11:11PM | Sa mga ganitong oras…

Marami nang napasok sa isipan ko,
Pero may isang bagay na talagang ayaw akong palayain.
Gabi-gabi, hindi ako nilulubayan ng taong nasa loob ng isip ko.
Laging pinamumuka sakin lahat ng masamang bagay na nagawa ko;
Lalo na sa isang partikular na tao.

Sabi ng utak ko:

“Baka kaya walang magmahal sayo ng tapat –
Baka dahil sinaktan mo na kasi ng sobra
ang nag iisang taong pwedeng magmahal sayo ng totoo.”

Sabi ng utak ko,
Wag na daw akong umasa;
Wala na raw talagang magmamahal,
at tatanggap sa kung sino o ano talaga ako.
Kahit ano pa daw ang gawin ko:
magpaganda, magpatalino, magpakabait,
magpakaplastik o magpakayaman…
Wala na raw.
Tapos na ang laban.
Pinatalo ko na raw.

Wag na akong umasa.
Hindi na ako karapat dapat mahalin,
at wala ng magtiya-tiyaga sakin.

Dear Virtual Diary | Paranoia

This is another re-blog from my old Tumblr 2013 post.

Here it goes...


(n) This is a thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs, or beliefs of conspiracy concerning a perceived threat towards oneself. 

I am really paranoid. 

Hindi ako maka-get over sa nagawa kong kapalpakan. 

Lagi itong pumapasok sa aking isipan,

at malauna'y parang kumokontrol na sa aking pagkatao. 

Mahirap;

Minsan napapasigaw na lang ako, 

O napapa-aray. 

Oh diba? Loka loka na; 

Siguro, marahil lamang ito sa kapaguran at pressure – 

Syempre fourth year na ako at director pa paminsan-minsan. 

Ang hirap nga e – 

Mahirap mag magaling kapag hindi ka naman magaling; 

Mahirap ipakita sa kanila kung ano ang meron ka dahil wala naman talaga; 

Minsan nga naiisip ko: 

kung tigilan ko na lang kaya ito? 

Kung magbago na lang kaya ako? 

Yung pag-mulat ko, iba na ako:

Tahimik, di na nag-rerecite at wala nang imik. 

Akala kasi nila masaya lagi si Paula: 

walang problema, puro tawa,

at ngiti lang pero mahirap pala. 

Mahirap panatilihing ngiti lamang ang laman ng mukha. 

Mahirap maging ako. 

Pero naiisip ko minsan, hindi naman siguro. 

Nasa isip ko lang lahat ng mga ito. 

Matatapos din ito. 

Sana nga tama ang sinasabi ng utak ko.

Late Night Thoughts: Irony

Photo from Tumblr

Note: This is only a re-blog from my Tumblr post on 2013.


Why am I so stupid? There are people who are willing to risk everything for me, to face their fears for me, to do silly things for me and to do what they don’t want to do just for me to be happy. But. But what is the reason why did I never choose from these wonderful people? Why do I always look after to someone who never looked at me?

There’s this guy who have been waiting since our elementary times. He is a handsome, rich and good guy who have always been a fan of Death Note like me. He became so firm for the past five years (I know that we were too young when he started falling in love with me) but that was the truth. He was there when I needed him. When I needed someone to cry on because of another guy, he was still present even though it was so obvious that he was being jealous. He always gave what I wanted to have; food, books and collections but those things never change what I really feel. The truth is:I DON’T AFFORD TO LOSE HIM BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. I JUST WANT HIM TO MY BESTEST BEST FRIEND.

There is this another guy who have been waiting for me too. He’s a good-looking, God-fearing and smart guy. I met him in a not-so-common place, in a sari-sari store. We became close because we share the same religious belief. At first, I never really liked him because the one that I had a crush on was his younger brother. Day passed, we were actually being so close that made me fall to him (but it was just an infatuation). I always think that the person who will have his heart is so fortunate but I never thought that I will be that person. He was so caring and understanding as a special friend. Only as friends. I never wanted to hurt him because he was the luck that I had whenever I have my trials. But staying by his side would be selfishness and leaving him would be fair. To be honest, I always feel some kind of guilt whenever I  am with him. I always think that I’m the reason why he’s sad, why he broke up with his girl friend and why he stays up late just to do my works. I really feel sorry.

The truth is that...

 I AM SO CONFUSED. I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS LOVE OR JUST AN INFATUATION. HENCE, I AM SETTING HIM FREE. I DON’T WANT HIM TO WAIT BECAUSE IT JUST GIVES ME BURDEN AND PAIN. IF THIS WAS REALLY LOVE, IT WOULD BE STILL OK.

Now, I am liking someone else who never deserved my love. It really gives me pain, seeing them hurt. I feel that I don’t have the rights to fall in love because there are people who’s waiting for me.
I am really sorry! So from here, I am declaring that the waits are no more recognized.

ANGUISH.

DOLEFULNESS.

SORRY.


[still writing...]

Dear Virtual Diary | When I Auditioned On PBB

R to L: Em, Caloy, Donita, Ariane, Carla and Me

I decided to shut down my Tumblr blog since I tried to sign in but I couldn't - probably because it has been awhile since I visited or used it. So now, it will only be full of photos shared from my Instagram account (@pgraceperez) and tweets from my twitter account (@pgraceperez). Also, It is because I wanted to focus more on my virtual diary and on my literature blog. However, I am totally a sucker for memorabilia, and I think this experience is worth-remembering. So, I thought why not re-blogging it here, along with those memories that I posted on my Tumblr. 

It is really embarrassing to read the Tumblr post that I wrote about this. Like I really tried to be a blogger that time, but the words and the thoughts that I was using was really not good. LOL. I just put the names and what basically happened to them; it is really simple and unattractive, but to be fair, it made sense now why I wrote with that style. Now, I still can recall those people and their roles to me in that day. 

FUN FACT: and that is my purpose of blogging and vlogging - to be able to remember what happened to me after years and years. 

1/3 Of The Bestest Friends

A Nap On The Streets

As we all know, almost every Filipino dreams to be in Pinoy Big Brother, and be one of Kuya's housemates – not only because you will be an instant celebrity, but also because your story will be shared nationwide, or even worldwide. 

Back then, I was only a fifteen-year-old girl who just dreamt to share my story to the world, hoping it might inspire people to live their lives to the fullest, and show how great my God is. Being a celebrity was just a bonus (but lowkey, my dad has always wanted me to be one LOL); thus, I really thought this reality show was one of the best platform.

The PBB Audition Story

Like mostly of the auditionees, we heard about it through a TV Commercial. Ate Ariane, the girlfriend of my brother, Fernan, saw it first, and was immediately persuaded to joined. Since the mechanics was to partner oneself with a minor or with a young adult, she asked me if I could join with her, and duuuuuh who wouldn't want to?

So, we prepped everything for it. 

Layout By Yours Truly

I made a matching shirt (look how jejemon it was LOL), and I lowkey thought it was creative and cool since I designed it on Picnik only. Also, I went to a parlor shop to fix my hair, and bought some stuff that I thought I needed. 

My Pappa went to accompany us because we had no idea on how we will go to the audition venue which was the Mall of Asia. Ate Ariane cooked and brought one of my favorite-st cuisine, and it is her white adobo that definitely calmed my nerves. Really, sobrang sarap!!! 

By 3AM we left Laguna because we thought it would be more convenient to go there "early". 

When we got there four hours before the call time, we really thought there would be no people yet on queue, or probably just a small number... but for our surprise, there are already like 300 people already waiting in line. So, we went to the last line and waited. After some minutes, wow a stampede occurred. People were running because somebody alarmed everyone falsely that the line was leading to a wrong event. So, without any thinking, I already ran, literally jumping over people, and not minding if ever I would get lost or something. But thank Jesus; I managed to get in the right line again with my Pappa, Donita and Ate Ariane.  

Along the waiting, I have seen different kinds of people; people who are very posh and mean, and who are very nice and positive. Some of the latter were:

L to R: Em, Caloy, (Ariane, Donita), Carla, Acel and Hazel

We had different lifestyles, stories and attitudes; however, we really got along well. 

This was Hazel's second try to audition in PBB, while Acel is the girl that we let in our line because she said that she really wanted to get in. (and you know some times we, Christians, can't say no LOL). Carla is the posh Manila girl who shocked me since she said that she just went there by herself (and I was like, "like I couldn't even go to the nearest sari-sari store by myself! Salute, friend!") And those lovely boys over there, Caloy and Em, just met each other on the line, and decided to partner up. They were really really nice. :)

[still writing...]

Dear Virtual Diary | #ScarredYetHealed

[still writing...]

Polla Shares: The Book of Maica

The Book of Maica is one of my favorite books in the Holy Bible, simply because it looks like that bedtime story that you would love to read to your babies – short and interesting. I used to read novels of Daniel Steels, and novels like my favorite, My Name Is Memory, but I thought why not entertain myself with those short books in the Bible like Hosea, Amos, Maica, etc. – not only I will be entertained, but also I will learn a lot of things that will definitely help me on my growth as a person and as a child of God. So, I did.

Morever, since I am learning MANY SIGNIFICANT LESSONS from it, I thought "why not share it with the people that I love?" So, I came up with an idea of while sharing it in my church, I am going to post it here on my virtual diary.

I pray that God will lead His people more through this story.

[still writing...]

Late Night Thoughts: My Biggest Fear

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MY BIGGEST FEAR POETRY

Dear Virtual Diary: #Happy18thPolla | 011715

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BTS VIDEO

Dear Virtual Diary: #SmartMusicLive | 071016

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VIDEO BLOG