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Why am I so stupid? There are people who are willing to risk everything for me, to face their fears for me, to do silly things for me and to do what they don’t want to do just for me to be happy. But. But what is the reason why did I never choose from these wonderful people? Why do I always look after to someone who never looked at me?
There’s this guy who have been waiting since our elementary times. He is a handsome, rich and good guy who have always been a fan of Death Note like me. He became so firm for the past five years (I know that we were too young when he started falling in love with me) but that was the truth. He was there when I needed him. When I needed someone to cry on because of another guy, he was still present even though it was so obvious that he was being jealous. He always gave what I wanted to have; food, books and collections but those things never change what I really feel. The truth is:I DON’T AFFORD TO LOSE HIM BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. I JUST WANT HIM TO MY BESTEST BEST FRIEND.
There is this another guy who have been waiting for me too. He’s a good-looking, God-fearing and smart guy. I met him in a not-so-common place, in a sari-sari store. We became close because we share the same religious belief. At first, I never really liked him because the one that I had a crush on was his younger brother. Day passed, we were actually being so close that made me fall to him (but it was just an infatuation). I always think that the person who will have his heart is so fortunate but I never thought that I will be that person. He was so caring and understanding as a special friend. Only as friends. I never wanted to hurt him because he was the luck that I had whenever I have my trials. But staying by his side would be selfishness and leaving him would be fair. To be honest, I always feel some kind of guilt whenever I am with him. I always think that I’m the reason why he’s sad, why he broke up with his girl friend and why he stays up late just to do my works. I really feel sorry.
The truth is that...
I AM SO CONFUSED. I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS LOVE OR JUST AN INFATUATION. HENCE, I AM SETTING HIM FREE. I DON’T WANT HIM TO WAIT BECAUSE IT JUST GIVES ME BURDEN AND PAIN. IF THIS WAS REALLY LOVE, IT WOULD BE STILL OK.
Now, I am liking someone else who never deserved my love. It really gives me pain, seeing them hurt. I feel that I don’t have the rights to fall in love because there are people who’s waiting for me.
I am really sorry! So from here, I am declaring that the waits are no more recognized.
ANGUISH.
DOLEFULNESS.
SORRY.
[still writing...]
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